An Anniversary of Sorts

This weekend, the 24th and 25th of Janbuary is the one year anniversary of my Stem Cell Harvesting.  It's been an odd year full of blessings and love.

We were sure that we were harvesting stem cells and getting them back in the fall of 2014.  However, the Fall of 2014 has come and gone and my stem cells are still in a freezer.

I look back and see all we have been through.  The  massive chemo that cost me my hair for the first time.  The growth hormone shots to force my body to make many more white cells and force them into my blood stream.  The port that needed to be sewed into my neck because my veins were not big or strong enough to handle the machine that would suck the stem cells out of me.  The harvesting itself which was harder than I hoped it would be and was as hard as I was told it could be.

I look back at how hard it was to gain my strenght again, to get back to work.  How hard it was to play with my grand girls or even sit at a birthday party and not cry.

It's been a year of up and downs, of illness and health.  Of good days and bad.  Of weeks of sleeping and days of energy.

It has been a year of watching my husband do it all, from cooking and cleaning to shopping and laundry.  Driving me everywhere and holding my hand while I slept.

A year of both dogs sleeping on me, near me, checking on me throughout the night.

A year of co workers helping out, doing my job, taking over at times and wishing me luck all the time.

A year of back and forth to doctors for things not really connected to cancer but still somehow connected.

A year of friends taking me out to dinner, lunch, and breakfast to talk, laugh, ask questions and just enjoy each others company.  A year of gifts, calls, emails, cards, funny stories and prayers.  Lots of prayers.

A year of leaning on God to do what I couldn't and to meet my needs.

It's been quite the year!  I have hair now, I have energy now, I have things to do and places to go. I have a job to keep up with and friends to laugh with.
I have a husband I can cook for, and clean up after and even take care when he gets sick.
And someplace up north are my stem cells, frozen. They can stay there for 30 more years.

A FRIGID END TO A WARM YEAR!

This is the last Hodgepodge of 2014!  Where did the time go?  Joyce has done a fantastic job putting together the questions for us all.  She has a busy life and still, she found time to do this.  I'm impressed! Join us will you?

1. Share a favorite moment from your Christmas holiday celebration.

The favorite moment from this Christmas was when our grand girls saw their "Frozen Body Pillows" and curled up on the floor with them.  Later, I got a video of them sleeping on them for the night.  It made me very happy that they liked them so much.

2. What would you say has been the biggest news event during your life so far?

So far, I think that traveling in space has been the biggest news event during my life.  The fact that we traveled to the moon, and have landed on Mars with the Mars Rover to cover the planet in search of anything.  I love that someone has the guts to ask the question "What if?"  And then come up with a way to answer it.  I love the science news that we hear so often.
YUP Space Travel is the event that fascinates me.

3. The Pantone Color of the Year for 2015 is Marsala. What say you-like or no like? Would I find this color anywhere in your home or wardrobe? Will you add something in this shade to either?

OK, I had to look this up because I didn't know what the color was.  It's beautiful!

It's a pop of neutral and I really do like it.  I don't know if it's in our home but I will get some tops in this color.  Reminds me of blush make up from the past.  

4. Would you rather meet your ancestors or your great grandchildren? Explain why.

WOW that is a hard question.  Meeting my ancestors would allow me to fill in the blanks as to why I am the way I am but meeting our great grandchildren would allow me to know if any of us is in them.  I choose both.  It's my blog, I get to pick the both.

5. Share one life lesson learned in 2014?

Good Health is something that I took for granted.  When the doctor tells me that I'm healthy I still laugh.  Healthy?  Then why am I sitting in the Oncologist office talking about living with Cancer.  Define Healthy Please?   So the lesson I learned, I'm better off than many and not as well off as some.

6. What was your best or favorite purchase made in 2014?

We didn't buy a lot of things this year.  We don't need a lot to make us happy so I guess the purchase we made was our vacation in the fall.  The kids were all back to school (no lines), the weather was warm (unseasonably), and the company (Hubby and dogs) was the best.  It was relaxing, refreshing, and just plain wonderful.

7. What is one thing you're looking forward to in the new year?

Getting back to my pre-cancer weight.  I have a plan and pray that God will bless it and allow me to get back into shape. I also want to get back to blogging on a regular basis.

8.  Insert your own random thought here. 

We don't have any snow, and the last few weeks it's been down right warm (in the 40's) for NH.  However, it's NH and so the cold weather will return.  In fact it did on Tuesday and will remain with us all for awhile.  But you don't shovel cold and we have the pellet stove going keeping us all warm.

GRANNY NIRVANA HODGEPODGE!

1. Besides U.S. Thanksgiving, it's also National Game and Puzzle Week...what game have you played most recently, and who were you with? Have you worked a puzzle of any kind in the past week?

The last game was Domino's that I played with our grand daughters.  I've not worked a puzzle in a very long line.

2. What is one place you were thankful for this year?

One place I'm thankful for this year was Dog Mountain.  It's an amazing place to visit and to walk around.  I hope to go back soon.

3. Take a nap, watch football, go for an after dinner walk, or hit the stores...which ONE is on your must-do list for Thanksgiving day? For those of you playing along who aren't in the US, answer as it relates to any big holiday meal.

Well since we are getting a bit of snow, going for a walk is out of the picture.  A Nap is certainly in my plans for Thanksgiving day.

4. Besides Thanksgiving, what's your favorite home cooked meal?

WOW There are several favorites that I have.  I really love the meat stuffing we will have on Thanksgiving and Hubby will make it at other times of the year for me.  I like a nice pot roast that has cooked in the crock pot all day.  I like a lasagna especially the next day!

5. What product from an infomercial would you most like to own?

I tend to change channel when infomercials come on.  They make the product sound so good and after all it's only $14.99 to try it at home for 30 days right?  I wonder what happens after the 30 days and how much you are charged after that.  Not for me.

6. Christmas shopping? Have you begun? Finished? Will you shop on Black Friday? How do you feel about stores opening on Thanksgiving Day? What percentage of your Christmas shopping is done online?

Christmas shopping is almost done! I will not shop on Thanksgiving  and I'm so sorry for those people who have to work on Thanksgiving.  If no one shopped, the stores would stop opening.  They will get the message by the amount of money it cost them to pay everyone to show up and do nothing.  But since so many are greedy, they shop.  It's sad that we talk about all we are grateful for and then leave the table to go to stores to get more.  If I do shop on Black Friday, it will be online.  A lot of my shopping has been online, more than 80%!

7. What are you most grateful for that adds beauty to your everyday life?

Life with Hubby adds beauty to my life everyday.  He enriches everyday with his tenderness and care.  He goes out of his way everyday to show me he loves me.  We still hold hands to watch TV and enjoy each others company.  We've been together for over 42 years and we not only love each other but like each other, respect each other and enjoy each other's company.

8. Insert your own random thought here.

Well the snow has landed here in NH. It's beautiful, it's white, it's snowman making snow and there is going to be a lot of it.  It really does make it feel like the start of the Holiday season and puts everyone in the mood for eggnog, fire in the fireplace, decorations and sharing things with good friends and family.
Happy Thanksgiving All!!

Thank you Joyce for the questions,  If you all have time while your  bird is cooking, visit  others blogs and answer the questions.

More vacation stories - Dog Mountain

The first half of our vacation was spent in Maine. The second half of our vacation was spent in Vermont at a place called Dog Mountain.  It's a private spot on a mountain top in Vermont.  150 acres that are always open to the public and their dogs.  Here the dogs are cherished and there is no leash law so well behaved dogs are encouraged to be off leash and are welcome inside any building who's doors are open.

Picture this, you have 150 acres to walk around in, take pictures of and play in.  There are ponds for the dogs to swim in and while they are still wet, they can then go into the stores and run around and play.  It's an amazing spot and this time of year, it's beautiful!!

We kept August Rush on a leash since he was overwhelmed with all the bigger dogs running around off leash and playing with each other while their owners were talking and tossing a ball for the dogs.  Becke had her leash on and at times we wrapped it around her harness as we walked around but since she has limited sight and hearing we wanted to keep her safe.  

There is Dog Chapel up there where people post photos, and notes about the animals in their lives who have gone on.  

Here is Hubby just outside the doors of the Chapel with Becke and a lot of statues that August was sure were real people and dogs.  It took a while but he finally did go see for himself that they don't move!!

Inside the chapel you will find thousands of notes, letters, photos, and even ashes of dogs who have died. These notes and photo's are never taken down.   It's a place of love, sadness, joy, prayer and reflection.

Can you see the notes and photos in there.

August sat in one of the chairs looking around.

Seats to sit and think, pray, cry or just be still.

All the seats have dog statues either on the side or in the back of them

Stain glass windows are everywhere.

The walls are called Remembrances Walls and there are note pads, pens as well as push pins and tape so you can write and post your message on the walls.  All are invited.

Everywhere you go there are dog statues, hidden in the tall grass, standing along the walk ways, and outside of buildings and ponds.  There are even statues of cats outside the Gallery peeking out from the corner of building.  Pets are truly cherished here and they know it.  The dogs who go there often, know where all the drinking bowls are and each is refilled thoughout the day.

What a magical place to go. We saw lots of dog themed furniture, dressers, mirrors, place mats, and chairs all with dogs on them. 

                                 Even the sink in the bathroom is a dog. Pull down the tail for water!!

Becke and August had a blast and frankly, so did we.  

Is there a magical spot for pets in your neck of the woods?  Do tell!!

Laughter and Friends, Friends and Laughter

Have you ever heard of Cairing Bridge?  It's a free website where people with illness can write about what is going on in their lives and share it with those who want to know what is happening.  It's a great site for those who live far away and those who life close by but you still don't see them every often.  This was my Cairing Bridge Journal update yesterday.  I thought I would share it with you as well.  

Any day is a good when you have friends and laughter.  Recently I was blessed with  a wonderful day of both.  A friend and I had been trying to get together for some time for lunch.  However,  she would be ill, or I was, or there were 4 more inches of snow of the ground, or it  was raining so hard you just couldn’t see.  So the lunch date was postponed over  and over again.  

Finally, we decided to just do it!  We picked another date and  unless the Lord came to take us all home, we were going out to eat lunch!! She  picked me up at my house and off we went.   I remember thinking that she was one very slow driver but since I love her I would  keep that to myself. I did tell her that in NH a person could take a right on a red light and that she had the right of way (I’m helpful that way you know).

We arrived at the Longhorns Steakhouse Restaurant and got a parking space right by the door.   It was a sunny afternoon and I was waiting to play catch up with her and all that has been going on in her life.   Instead there were 24 other ladies waiting at our table!!! They all wanted to  celebrate with me that the stem cell transplant my Oncologist down here wanted was  postponed by the transplant doctor up in Lebanon.  We will change meds. We're going to up the strength of one and add a steroid and see if that works.  If it works, then the transplant will continue to be on hold. If it doesn’t work, then we’ll talk…

 So for the next 2+ hours, we laughed, took pictures, talked, got caught up with each other’s lives, sang and cried tears of joy.  We ended up having 3 waitresses caring  for us.  The table was set in pretty girly pink with glow-in-the-dark light up rings, a Tiara and a Feather Boa for me to wear and of course a magic wand to wave.  There were  pink “Jewels” and small paper purses all over the table and HUGE pink balls hanging from the Antler lamps and on the table.  OH And there were cards and gifts.

The  cards were so funny and made me laugh (you know those are keepers) and gifts  were so sweet. Among the gifts was a coffee cup with “You are a Courageous Woman” on the outside and a  scripture verse around the rim (Joshua 1:9); a happy thought for each day flip book; and  beautiful note paper with a matching pen for the fridge (these ladies know me!).

The  cards were passed around so that each one could read and laugh at the crazy friends I have. These ladies have been praying us through cancer for 2 years now.  They haven’t let down once to check in with me and talk to me and even told me that my hair looked great and – which is only about 1 inch long so not much to look at.

Now I understand why my friend Linda drove so slow, she was giving the ladies more time to get to Longhorns and get set up at the table before her and I got there.  Sneaky lady - I love her.  That's her behind me in the photo.  

Besides all the fun the ladies and I had, it was also a day that some of the men were caring for Gerry, laughts, BBQ burgers, stories and friendship for him as the caregiver.  That made the day extra special!

The "One and Done Crew"

I also have some wonderful Nurses that care for me that DON'T WAKE ME UP all night!

I had to go in for growth hormone shots every day. 2 shots a day to force my body to make more stem cells than it needs.  They burn going in and hurt for hours until my body recovers from the invasion of the needles and medicine. Every other day I have to have blood work to see how many stem cells I'm growing.  Because my immune system was destroyed by the chemo I have to wear a mask when I leave the house and I'm only allowed to leave the house to go to the doctor.

 FIELD TRIP!

One day I also had pressure in my ear so the Transplant team up north wanted someone to look at it and see what was going on.
So this one day, I was going to have 3 things happening to me.

I showed up and signed in and was whisked off to a room where 3 ladies were standing there waiting for me.  They saw me get off the elevator from their office and gathered what they needed and came for me.  As I walked in Nurse Jackie held up the 2 syringes and said in a slow deep sexy Dracula-like voice "Welcome, please have a seat" pointing to a chair in the middle of the exam room. Nurse Kathy, standing next to her held up the butterfly needle and blood vial that I was going to fill and in a slow deep sexy Dracula like voice said "We are here to take your blood". The 3rd lady was Gloria, a PA, holding her laptop across her arms also in a deep sexy Dracula-like voice said "I'm here to look in your ear" Then they all started smiling and had me sit down.

You've been in those exam rooms right? The're the size of a postage stamp with a bed (well sort of bed), sink and what they call a desk.  Now add us 4 ladies in the middle of the room and you get the picture, right?

I sat in the chair and all 3 started working on me at once! Jackie gave me the shots in the fat of my right arm, while Kathy took blood out of my only good vein left in my left forearm and Gloria looked in my ear.  We were so close that the two with the needles were bumping hips which made me laugh. I started laughing as it struck me that I was like a race car at the Indie 500! Jack it up, rotate the ties and get her down and out onto the track in under 15 seconds. As I was laughing, Kathy looked at me and said "Now stop wiggling, you only got 1 good vein". They did their jobs and poked, drawn and examined me in record time!  I told them how much fun they were to watch.  We shared a good laugh.

They are part of the "One and Done Crew". Nurses who can get blood out of you or meds into you on the very first try. No matter what your veins look like or how much you squirm with laughter. They Never have to poke you twice or move the needle in your vein until it takes.

Turned out my ear was an easy fix and only needed something to dry up sinuses. I told them how much I love them all for their care and kindness. Gloria said "You're welcome - now get out of here, there are sick people here you know!" and with that I was back on the elevator while everyone was laughing as I left.

They understand just how serious my condition is but face it with great compassion, humor and laughter. They are proactive and concerned.  I love my team!!!

The Night Shift!

If you have ever been in the hospital overnight you will know that sleeping in a hospital is hard because there is the wonderful night nurse who comes by to check on you.  Sometimes waking you up to take your temp or BP.  Sometimes they wake you up to ask how well you feel or how well you are sleeping.  We all growl at the night nurse, the hall lights are still on and so the light is in your room too. You may even have a room mate who keeps the TV on at all hours! 

I have been blessed with 2 --3rd shifts nurses, Becke and August.  They each take turns to check on me during the night when I would love to be dreaming of laying on the waters edge by a lake or laying in the sun working on my tan (not really, I don't tan I burn but you get the idea).  Instead Becke walks over to me and nudges my elbow until I open my eyes and say "I'm good darling, go back to bed" she then walks back to her bed and lays down. 2 hours later she's back doing it again!  In between August kisses my cheek or nose until I pet him and say "I'm good, go to sleep". He then curls up on the small spot on the bed and sleeps.  He will be back!! And so my evening goes.  Finally I'm up, I make them their breakfast, I let them out to "go", and I turn on the morning news. The night shift over, my nurses can now relax, no problems on their watch.

The Story of the 3 Bears

   In anticipation of stem cell harvesting I took the Saturday before to cook for my family. I wanted enough for Hubby and I for 2 full weeks and also for our dogs, as I cook for them as well.

   I gathered my list, went shopping, gathered the supplies and got to cooking. I had both racks in the oven going, all 4 burners on the stove, and my 3 Bears.

Meet Papa Bear - Momma Bear - Baby Bear and Pee Wee (not a real crock pot)

I used one of the gifts we got for Christmas, an absolutely beautiful cutting board pictured above.  I didn't want to cut on it at all, but the man who made it for us made me promise that I would use it so I did.

I chopped, I diced, I cut and I made food for all of us for the next two weeks.

In Papa Bear was beef stew

In Mama Bear was Veggie Barley soup with kielbasa

In Baby Bear was a depression favorite soup called Giblot (hot dog stew)

In the Pee Wee Bear was a stew for the dogs (without the onions, and many of the seasonings) Sorry, I forgot to take a photo of that one, plus it was just one meal and gone in no time!

In the oven was meat loaf

sweet potatoes fries

pork loin

pizza

On the stove top I make tater tot casserole

Suet cakes for the birds and the food for the dogs.

Once it was all cooked and had time to cool, I put it all in containers and put all of them in the freezer.

   It took me hours and we got a lot of food and the freezers were both full.

   We were set for hunkering down and eating well while I went through this ordeal.

   Ironically, I couldn't eat any of it!!  My diet after chemo and before harvesting consisted of Banana, Rice, Applesauce, Toast, Egg - known as the BRATE diet.

With all the wonderful food I had made, this is what I got for breakfast.

The weak tea was replaced with Ginger ale.

In place of toast, I could substitute 4 unsalted crackers.

YUM right!  

   So Hubby got a lot of good cooking!  He is one happy hubby and willing to make the sacrifice. As i was eating my BRATE diet and he was eating real food he would gag and tell me how horrible his food tasted. He's such a bad liar!
   So the dogs and the bids are happy and well fed, too.

   Some days all I can do is laugh!!!!

Battle Scars

Thank you all for the well wishes, emails, cards, calls and concern, but thank you most of all for prayers, healing energy and thoughts to our Father in heaven who showered me in grace and got me through this.

It has been AS hard as we were told it was going to be.  I'm so thankful for all the tests that were done on me before I started this process and for the care that I have received from the wonderful staff at Norris Cotton Cancer Center both in Manchester and Lebanon NH. What a huge team and they are all so very nice.

    

Manchester, NH                          Lebanon NH      

The Chemo I received back on the 13th was 6 times stronger than anyone gets at one time.  I held up really well for the first 4 bags of drugs but in all there were 9 bags of drugs and hydration (I'll not go into detail about how I held up with the other 5 bags).  It required that I return on Tuesday for help with dealing with side effects.

Daily shots of  stem cell growth drugs and every other day blood draws filled up most of my week.  What I was told would happen or even could happen DID happen. Dealing with side effects was no fun either and I will not share that with you.

You're Welcome!

Through it all, we had God on our side. We knew it and we felt it. We saw Him use other people to let us know that we were not alone.  We have a God that Hubby and I have a history with. A history where He is there to comfort, to care, to listen to our tears, to give us strength and to cheer us on and laugh with us. He is not someone "Up there Somewhere", He is personal, He is our savior.  It's a long history and long histories are good.  We would remember other times when He was holding our hand.  We reminded each other about that.  Through it all we had HIM, God, Jehovah, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Yahweh.

We also had each other.  We have a 42 plus year history honoring our vows. For Better for Worst, in Sickness and in Health.  We knew together - all 3 of us- that no matter the physical outcome, We Were OK

We also had family members and friends who checked on us, kept sick family members away from us, checked our house, took in our mail, and started our pellet stove to warm up the house. Some friends sent IM's to check on me, sent out mass emails to spread the word on us and in so many ways  reminded us that we were not fighting this alone.

Battle Scars? Yes, but instead of dwelling on them, I will dwell on the joys and the fun of being alive. I am not the same person.