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Thursday, April 3, 2014

More of what NOT to say to someone with Cancer

On March 18th, I wrote about some of the things that people have said to me.  I will write about what you can say to people with cancer,  but before that, here are a few more of the things people have really said to me.  

Really, I can't make this up.

1. "It could be worst you know". 
   "Yup sure do, I could already be dead." was my real answer. I was not in a good mood that day.  

2. "I'm sure it's fine/I'm sure it's nothing".
     Cancer is something not nothing, Cancer is scary, frightening and big, don't try to make           Cancer nothing just because you feel uncomfortable.  They feel uncomfortable as well.

3. "I know exactly how you feel."  
     Unless you have my type of cancer you don't know how I feel. Don't compare my cancer to your marriage problem or work problem.  They are not the same. I made some excuse to walk away.  

4. "Can I see your bald head?"
      "NO!" is what I say but one day I will add "I'm not a circus side show."  Just not sure   when, so be careful folks. You've been warned!!

5.  "Congratulation you're in remission and all done, you can stop worrying now."  Remission means that I'm responding to the treatment, not that I'm cured.  Yes, I'm happy that I'm responding to treatment but it also means every month I have to test to make sure I'm still in remission.  Some day I will not be in remission.  It also means I will have to live with this. You see my cancer has no cure.  The best we can do is stay in remission for as long as possible. In the meantime, I take drugs to keep me in remission  every day.  When I am no longer in remission, there are options.  But a cure is not one of them at this time.

6.  And the one statement that made me tilt my head and answer "Really?"
  "WOW! I'm gonna miss you."  I'm not planning on going anywhere just yet so how about we just enjoy our time together so you will have something to miss me over!!

Next week I'll write a few things that you can say and things you can do to help your friend.  But for now, Everything that you think need not be said - Silence is Golden!!  

Have a Blessed Day Everyone


  1. Unbelievable. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this on top of everything else. {{{hug}}}

    1. I know, right! I'm not alone in hearing these sort of things so that is why I decided to blog about them.

  2. This is good and something we need to hear. It makes me much more aware of what I'm saying to people. I know we all mean well, but really we all need to be more careful with what we say. Thank you for sharing.

  3. I'm glad you are going to write what to say soon and I do agree, silence is golden sometimes.


  4. I cannot believe this things actually come out of people's mouths. What happened to compassion and understanding? Dealing with my baby loss mothers it is also amazing what people say about their baby that passed away. ((HUGS))

  5. YOU GO, GIRL!

    Even though you can't fix stupid, every time you call out people on their idiotic remarks, you're sticking up for all the cancer patients who don't have the nerve, energy, or whatever to defend themselves against these idiots.


  6. Oh my goodness! I never know quite what to say, but I'm pretty sure I've never been guilty of saying any of these horrible things! Can't wait to read your next post :)


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