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Monday, March 18, 2013

Why elope? And Parents Reaction!

I mentioned last week that hubby and I eloped. We didn't start out planning that step but it's one that I have yet to regret.

When hubby and I were planing our wedding it was in the 70's, a time when many marriages were held on the beach, barefoot...
Or under an arbor in someone's back yard,
With folding chairs...
Or in an open field under the stars,
Wearing wide brim hats
Or a ring of flowers!

We wanted something simple in the back yard with the priest there and a few friends and family.We wanted one person to stand with us and finger snacks afterwards.
We wanted to have music playing from a the record player playing songs that were meaningful to us.

My mother was not going to have any of that! We were willing to pay for it. Again, NO
She had to invite hundreds of people we didn't know so the gifts would be good. She had to have a church full after all!  She had to rent a hall, cater 3 different food choices for them to pick from. She had to have a live band and She had to have certain songs to dance to.
I had to wear my sister's dress!
I had to wear my sister's shoes!
I had to wear my sister's veil!
Now my sister had a beautiful wedding dress but she is 6 1/2 inches shorter than me!
She also has tiny feet!
I don't know about the size of her head.

I had to have my sister's wedding.
It was big and showy.
It lasted all day long.
She was sick by time it was over.
I know because I held her dress while she threw up so nothing would land on it.

I had vowed to myself that I was not doing that for anything.
I didn't want my sister's wedding.

Why you ask? Why must I have a copy of her wedding?
Well the dress and shoes and veil were costly and my mom wanted her money's worth and no one would know it was her dress anyway. Plus she still had all the receipts so she knew who to call and wouldn't have to relearn how to plan a wedding.

Again, we told her we did not want a big wedding and urged her to just let us have what we want.
She told us that what we wanted was not nice enough and looked "poor".
However every day I heard about the cost, the time involved, the list of people coming, the cost had gone up a lot in 4 years since my sister's wedding, the time and over and over agin how I was not worthy of such a great wedding.

My future farther-in-law tried to talk to her. My sister tried to talk to her. 
She didn't care, she was going to recycle my sisters wedding for me and complain the entire time.

Finally, we decided that if we were going to break fee from her grip, we better do it right off the bat.

So under the guise of babysitting for my sister, I left the house and went to my sister's house but it was not to babysit!
We gathered my sister, her husband, their child, my future-in-laws, and Hubby's favorite uncle and aunt. They all were told it was going to happen, they were all glad for us.

We gathered at the office of the Justice of the Peace, exchanged vows, and became man and wife.
My future father in law made last minute arrangements at our favorite restaurant for a nice meal. When they heard of the reservation, they made us a wedding cake.
My sister did my hair.

In a total act of rebellion I wore pink! I have told you I'm Scottish right? I thank my dad for that.
From the Left, my neice being held by her mom (my sister) with her husband behind.
Me and Hubby
Uncle Al and his wife Terri
My new In-laws on the far right.

So I had the small wedding I wanted. We had the ones that were most important to us there. We had a nice meal and a surprise wedding cake.
My parents were married in a big church wedding-they had a terrible marriage.
My sister had a big church wedding- it dissolved a long time ago, they were miserable.
I kept the promise to myself and didn't have that.
I am glad I stuck to my guns.

After the wedding and before the meal, we stopped by the house to tell my parents.
 My mothers first words to us, and I kid you not,
"Why didn't you tell me you wanted something small and easy?"
Cross my heart - true!
And that's one of many reasons why my mother really disliked Hubby and tried to poison him a few years later....but that is yet another story another time!


  1. I am glad that you were able to break free and have a wedding that made you happy. Sounds like we might need to hear another chapter to your happily ever after...

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. OH MY lets try this again!! Thank you Wendi for your comment. I was so scared at the time. I was only 18 years old! It has made me stronger as a person which has served me very well since that day. Yes, the poison story is coming....

  2. Oh my goodness, Lynn Marie, I felt like I was there experiencing that all with you! I'm so glad that you got the wedding and life YOU wanted and that it's been a happy one!

    There is a big lesson here to be learned to all moms about listening to what their children are saying! :)

    You know we must hear the "poison" story. You can't leave us hanging there!

    By the way, you two sure were a great looking couple!


    1. Tammy, Yes you are soright. When your kids come to you with wedding plans LISTEN. Their wedding doesn't need to be your wedding. Let it be what they want (with in reason of course) but talk about it and make it a wonderful time. The poison story is coming....just wait. My poor hubby.

  3. Oh my, Lynn Marie. What a story ... but I'm proud of you for standing up to your mom and having the wedding you wanted and the life you deserved. I can't even imagine the "poison story"! :-o

    1. Thank you Kathy. It was a hard choice to make but I am glad we did it. I would rather have a long marriage than a long wedding! Yes hold on the poison story is coming.

  4. My wife and I were going to elops but then she couldn't bear not having her mother there so we compromised and had a small ceremony on the beach with some family and friends.

    It was great and I wouldn't go back and change it for anything.

    I'm interested in hearing about how your mother almost poisoned your hubby though :)

    1. Mark, Now a wedding on the beach sounds loverly and was very "IN" back in the 70's so that is a great compromise! Sounds loverly and I hope you tell us all about it some day. Hang in there the poison story is coming.....

  5. Wow-that is quite a story! I'm glad you are happily married still, and I am waiting with bated breath for the poisoning tale!

    1. We have been married for 40+ years. It has been a gret ride so far and I look forwarded to more. The "Other Story" will be coming soon.

  6. So happy you had the wedding you wanted and are still so happily married today! Looking forward to hearing the "other story".

    1. Thank you Cathy and the Other Story is coming...

  7. Wow! That read like a novel! First, good for you for making your wedding day the way you wanted. That was great! Secondm, I have to know if you had a rough relationship with your mother prior to the start of HER wedding plans. Was she always overbearing? And, you hinted about more trouble with her... were you able to come to peace with her? It seems it's hardest to forgive & forget when it's a close family member. So, I'm wondering.

    1. Marla, My mother was over overbearing. She allowed herself to become the Victim. She was a victim of the time she grew up in, a victim of the life style that was allowed for women at the time. A victim of society at the time. People who allow themselves to be victims are never happy. She was not a happy person and drove people away from her. I did make peace with her. It took a very long time.

  8. What a great story! So glad you followed your heart. I love the pink dress! May you have many more years of wedded bliss!

  9. So glad to hear that this had a happy ending and you and your hubby got exactly what YOU wanted...not what everyone else did. A poisoning story? Oh, my! Would sure love to hear that one!

    1. Thank you April, Yes it really did happen and I will tell you all about it soon. The poison story will all be true.

  10. Oh my that is quite a story. I would have ran too. I am so sorry your mother placed that on you. So happy you got to have the wedding you did. It's not about the wedding but the love your have for each other. My parents set a limit for my sister and I. My sister went bigger and paid the difference. We were buying a townhouse and stayed withing the budget. Had the wedding at church, dinner in the church basement and party at my parents house. Everyone had a ball and stayed until 2:00 am!

    1. I love the idea of a budget and anything over that was paid by the couple. As long as there is a compromise on the plans and the bride gets to pick some of it that is great. I love wedding stories so please do share!

  11. I never get tired of hearing about how you two crazy kids in love eloped and are still making it work 40+ years later. LOVE the photos!

    I wish I had the courage and strength to stand up to my mother at the tender age of 18 as you did, but I couldn't manage that until I was going through my divorce 10 years later.

    From what you've told me about your mother (a control freak like mine) you were right and brave to defy her wishes and make your wedding day YOUR day.

    I believe your mother was jealous of your happiness with Gerry, and took that out on him in the sick way she did. My mother was jealous of my happiness with Marty but thankfully, didn't try to kill him. (She'd have poisoned me instead of him, anyway).

    Anyway, happiness is the best revenge. You don't hurt anyone but the person wishing you harm is punished by their own personality nevertheless.

    1. Anu, I know you knew the story since our mothers were so much alike. I see in you a strenght that tells me you were proud of yourself when you finally managed to stand up to her and there has been no stopping you since. The age doens't matter, the spirit does matter. You have a strong spirit and you have stood up for yourself and Marty and have astrong marriage because of it. You're right that happiness is the best revenge.
      You made me laugh when you said that your mother would have poisoned you instead of Marty. No way! she would want some one to care for her in her old age and if you were dead, no way Marty would have cared for her. I'm glad she never did try anyways.

  12. Wow, what a story! I knew the two of you had eloped, but didn't know the story of why. I'm glad you stood your ground and had the wedding that made you happy. I'm even more glad that your marriage has withstood the test of time :)

    1. 40+ years of marriage and still going strong. Thank you

  13. That was neat how you chose to get married simple like this Lynn Marie! Its sad though that your mom couldn't be on the same page with it, so to speak, so that she could have been present on that very joyous day for you!


    1. Thank you Betty, Yes she missed out on a lot of live because she would not compromise and so wouldn't join in the fun. Her loss.


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